Yesterday, I came across an Instagram post that said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I immediately knew that I needed to write a post about this. We all have gone through or will go through big and challenging things. These things will take us and stretch us to become someone different that before that challenge came into our lives.

Sometimes we become hardened and untrusting. Sometimes, we become more flexible and have a different perspective on life. Sometime we are broken and it seems like years go by before we feel like ourselves again. There are so many ways that the challenges of this life will change us.

I don’t want to share all of my experiences in this post, otherwise what will I use in later posts? But I do want to share some of them and how they became sacred struggles to me that I then share with others to give them strength in their current struggle. Some I have blogged about before, so I will link those blog posts for you to read to get a better picture of who I am and how God blesses us in our daily lives.  

As a teenager, I had to have major jaw surgery. It is actually now a more common surgery and I am thankful for this experience now, but while it was happening, it was so incredibly difficult to go through. I had a boyfriend and a best friend. And after the surgery, my face was really swollen and I was not pretty. It was summer time, and I only saw my boyfriend and best friend once after the surgery. They didn’t reach out to me anymore after that one visit for the rest of the summer. I figured it was because I was so hideous that they felt the need to stay away.

The first week was the most difficult. I was throwing up blood constantly, now I understand that it was because so much had gotten into my stomach during the surgery. At the time, I thought I was dying. I couldn’t eat, my stomach was so upset from the anesthesia and blood sitting in there. I was losing weight so quickly.  I remember that I slept on the couch so that I could be close to my parent’s bedroom if I needed them in the middle of the night.

My cat stayed near me on the back of the couch that entire summer. He knew that I needed a comforting presence when it felt like my closest friends had abandoned me. He didn’t care what I looked like, he knew it was me and he still loved me. He was my guardian angel at this time.

My two brothers were attending college that year and when they came home, they would sit with me and we would play card games and watch tv together. It meant so much to me that my brothers who were much older and could have been out with their friends would give up their social life to be with me during this hard time.

While this was a very hard experience for me, I was able to see the blessings and growth from it. Because of this time, my brothers and I bonded in a way that we had never done before. I was also able to see that I was not alone when I truly felt that way. My brothers showed me how valuable I was to them.

I was just a teenager at the time and had no other responsibilities but to heal. Our bodies are so amazing! The Oral Surgeon had cut my jaw bone and it had completely healed. Within three months, I was able to eat steak again. It tasted so good! I’ll never forget that first real meal after my jaw was strong enough to eat anything other than pureed foods. While this delicious steak was a great way to celebrate an end to this difficult time, I will always be grateful for my brothers love and attention to me.

Fast-forward about five years, I was now married and we were trying to start a family.  My husband and I experienced unexplained infertility. Unexplained infertility is when tests have been completed and there is no reason for the infertility. Nothing came back abnormal. It was maddening. In this post that I have linked, I share my lowest point during that time period. It was so difficult to go through this experience.

I remember that my husband called me one day and said, “I’m sorry, its all my fault.” He had just spoken with a nurse and she told him that there were “no significant findings”. He misunderstood what she said and thought that they could not find any sperm. He immediately felt terrible and that our inability to get pregnant was all his fault. About a week or so later, we met with the doctor and as she went over the successful test, we were confused. She laughed at his mistake and carried on. I on the other hand, wanted to throw up. What a hard week and a half we had experience grieving an unnecessary grief. My poor husband had all that time to think whatever hard thoughts came to his mind about himself.

This is a lighter story from that time period. It isn’t one that I usually share with someone that is going through this experience. I usually share the harder ones. Those are the ones that have compiled my survival guide for someone else. This was hard. There were so many tests, bloodwork, medications, appointments, disappointments, and tears.

This is just one small story of what we went through together. But we went through it together. It made us a stronger couple. We went through every experience together. This was our first experience with a big trial as a married couple. It would not be our last.

Fast forward about 5-7 years, and my husband lost his job. This happened the night before we went to get our ultrasound to see our baby’s development and possibly find out the gender. It was also right before the Christmas and New Year holiday. I had to wait for Christmas to be over so that we could get on the phone and get the Medicaid process started, the Unemployment process started, and any assistance that we could find through Social Services. It was a humbling experience, but we also learned a lot.

We learned what bills were necessary and unnecessary. Tv? Not necessary. House payment? Necessary. Food? Basics are good. WIC helped with that. As we let go of the things that we didn’t need to have, God blessed us in so many ways.

We pay a tithing of 10% of our increase to the Lord. This is very important to us. At this time, we did the math, and on paper, the numbers didn’t add up. We paid the tithing anyways. And you know what happened? We always had enough each month and sometimes a little extra. We struggled with a lot of things during this time, but we were provided for in so many other ways.

Now, I’m going to jump forward about 7—8 years. We had become a Foster Family and we were asked to consider adopting a teenager. It didn’t take long for that consideration to become the plan, we loved her. Things progressed, relationships blossomed and then the world crashed down and everything fell apart. We were devastated. At this time, a lot of things happened that are very personal and not to be blogged about for privacy of all individuals. So why am I even mentioning it? Because there was a lot of growth that came from this struggle. There was so much grief. So much hurt to help my children process. A lot of therapy was needed for everyone. It was a really hard time.

I struggled and was stretched in ways I didn’t know existed. I had experienced a loss of a loved one, but no one close to me could understand it. She wasn’t family. Oh, but yes, she was. She was my daughter. Foster or adopted doesn’t mean anything in my heart.

I had to keep my brave face on for my family, but inside, I was a wreck. I love hard. It is who I am. I had no time really to process what had happened. I didn’t really even understand what had happened and was left trying to piece it together. I was exhausted, broken, hurt, and was running at light speed to make things better for those around me.

I had many tender mercies from God at this time. He knew that I was hurting in a way that wasn’t being addressed. He sent angels on earth to me to show me that He saw me. This was such a healing experience for me during this time.

It was about five years before I felt like I was once again close to being the person I was before this experience. My heart had mended enough and I was able to feel the Light of Christ in my life again. Now, when I think of this time, I am always reminded of an experience I had alone in my room. I had been happy and thinking about how amazing everything was going with our family. And I had this thought, that something really hard was about to happen. I became distracted with this and thinking it was going to be cancer. What else could be really hard? It wasn’t long after this that things started to get difficult. Of course, I had completely forgotten this moment until years later.

I know that Heavenly Father was trying to prepare me for this difficult time. He did not abandon me. He was there the entire time. He helped me to get up each day. He helped me through hard conversations. He sent friends with flowers and dinner that I didn’t really need, but at the same time I so desperately needed. He was there. He is there.

Dear friend, I know that some days, it is just difficult to get out of bed. I know that our trials in life come with a physical weight. This weight is ours to carry, but always remember, Christ carried it first. Use the Atonement that He made possible for us to share the burden with Him. I promise that as you recognize this, and call out to Him, He is right there waiting with you.

When you are on the other side of this trial, share it with others. Don’t be shy. Someone needs to hear how you overcame it. It just might become their survival guide.