Without that period of time, the phrase ‘Open the Sunshine’ wouldn’t even exist. For I had to know that sadness and loneliness to find the hope that opening the sunshine now gives to me. For my children today.

After my husband and I completed our Foster Training course, we waited for phone calls that were just not coming. It was odd. Why did I feel such urgency that weekend to just hurry up and wait? I did not realize that I needed time to prepare.

I took all of the trainings that I could. I got to know other foster parents. I learned a lot. I learned things that would benefit all parents. I try to share them when possible.

On Easter Sunday, we got our first phone call. The DSS worker started the phone call by saying, “I know that you only wanted to do respite care, but I have a baby that needs a soft place to land.” I was confused. “What do you mean, only respite care?”

Turns out, at our graduation dinner, we briefly spoke about adding respite care to fostering. The room was loud, and she misunderstood what I was saying. She thought that I was saying that we only wanted to do respite care. Suddenly, it all made sense. That was why all of our classmates were getting foster placements and we hadn’t even been called once.

I think of this often. Heavenly Father knew that there were specific children for our family. Some just to care for a short period of time. Some that needed a longer period of time. Some were meant to stay and become our children. He knows all things.

I also needed to participate in lots of trainings. I needed to get as much understanding of how to help these kiddos as possible. I am so grateful for that time. Connections were made. Information was taken in. It was a great period of preparation for me.

Years later, we had adopted two little girls and were fostering a baby when we got a peculiar phone call. One Sunday after church, everyone was down for a nap and my husband, and I wanted to nap also. I remember almost falling asleep when my phone rang. I recognized the number but couldn’t place who it was.

It was my DSS caseworker. She started the phone call by saying, “I know that you usually just foster children, but I have a teenager and I think your family would be a perfect fit.” The caseworker was fumbling with her words. I think back now and wonder if she just didn’t know how to tell me that her feelings were stronger than her sureness of my acceptance.

We ended the call with her asking me to think it over and to talk with my husband about it. In the meantime, she would keep looking for a placement home. After I hung up the phone, I had the strong impression that I was supposed to say yes. My husband rolled over and sleepily asked if I was talking to our caseworker. I said yes and explained the conversation to him. I asked what he thought. He shrugged and said sure.

I was surprised by his answer. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure that he was awake enough to fully comprehend what I had told him. I decided to let him sleep and then when we were fully awake, we would discuss it again.

By the time I called her back, she had already found a placement. It was weird to feel that we were supposed to say yes, but then have a different solution come up. I didn’t realize, but it was another time of preparation for me. I thought of the phone call often over the next few days.

Five days later, my phone rang again. It was the caseworker. The foster placement wasn’t working out for this teen, and she was certain that our family would be the best fit for her. It rang true to me. I told her that I needed to pray about it and make some calls around to our “village” to make sure that everyone was on board. And I would call her back.

Sure enough, the answer to my prayer was pretty immediate. My husband said yes. I called my parents and my mother-in-law. We all said yes. Then I called my case worker back and set up the time to pick her up.

I was extremely nervous. What was I thinking? What do I know about raising a teen? I don’t know what could come from having a teenager around my little children. What if this went badly?

I remember shaking as I drove to DSS to pick her up. I walked in, and they introduced us to each other. She asked me to call her by a name that was not her legal name and that is when I fell in love with this girl. In that moment, I knew that God sent her to me to care for during this very difficult time of her life.

We became great friends. She didn’t speak very much English. She learned to communicate quickly, and we had the best conversations. She was a very impressive young woman. She taught me a lot. I miss her.

That time I had with her was another time of preparation. It helped to prepare me for another special teenager that I fostered.

Right from the beginning, I was counseled by DSS to decide if we would be willing to adopt her. It wasn’t long before our answer was yes. She was easy to love. She needed to be loved.

In the end, it wasn’t meant for us to adopt her. She had a different journey to take. That was hard for me. I felt like I was supposed to be her mother. The heartache from this unexpected plan was intense. It really hurt. I felt broken.

At some point after her leaving us, I remember that I was in church on Fast and Testimony Sunday. I remember this woman getting up and talking about raising her granddaughter. She spoke about how she was so worried about how to raise her. She had been praying about it and then she heard the words come to her: “Before she was yours, she was mine. She is still mine. I will take care of her.”

This. I needed to hear this. As soon as she said these words, I was filled with a warmth that I knew was from my Heavenly Father. While I felt strongly that I was meant to be her mother, He showed me that I was her mother. Her foster mother. And that was an important and special time for us both. I knew that He would take care of her throughout the rest of her life. I needed to now focus on the children that I have at home.

One of those children happens to be her younger sister. All of this prepared me to become her mother. I am so grateful for all of this time to prepare. Sometimes it is really hard. Sometimes I don’t show up how I want to. But God has prepared me. He still prepares me. And when I am caught unprepared, He makes a way. He meets me where I am at.