Going back almost 20 years ago, my husband and I were trying to begin our family. Nothing seemed to work. We had friends all around us that were getting pregnant and it was getting harder to push aside my grief and find the joy for others. I didn’t want to be that way. I didn’t want to be that friend that you were scared to call with your good news because it could bring them heartache.

Finally, one day it happened. My brother-in-law called with the news that him and his new bride were going to be parents. The tears were immediate and they were so strong that I didn’t trust myself to talk on the phone to one of my favorite people and congratulate him. Instead, I went to my room and cried into my pillow so that my sobs were as quiet as possible while my husband talked with his brother.

We were officially the last in the family to start own family. This thought was so ridiculous, but it is what I let myself sob my guts out to. I needed that cry. Now I understand this, I just wish that I could have told my brother-in-law congratulations first. It’s okay, I know that he understands and that he loves me. I understand that he knew that phone call would be difficult for me, but he still wanted to be the one to tell us because he didn’t want us to find out from anyone else. He thought that would’ve been harder for us. He also wanted to share his joy with us. I am so glad that he did.

The next morning, I knew that I needed to feel God’s love in a big way. I drove myself to the Washington D.C. Temple. I had never driven to the temple before because of a complex beltway system. I was determined to do it. This was before GPS and it was tricky, but I made it there in one piece. I went to what is called the Celestial Room and I think I was in there for almost an hour. Just thinking and praying and crying to God.

I just wanted to feel something from my Father in Heaven. It was getting close to the time for me to leave. I hadn’t felt any comfort yet. I prayed one last time, letting God know that I would have to leave soon and asked for comfort from my grief. Nothing happened. I slowly got up, and made my way out of the temple and to my car. I was so sad. I went to the one place on earth where I knew I could feel His love the strongest and I didn’t get what I wanted and needed.

I don’t remember much of the drive home, I’m sure I was pretty numb by then. But what I do remember is that when I got home, I parked my car and opened the door to get out of the car. And as I stood up, I felt the physical shedding of the heavy weight of my grief. I’m not sure how to explain it, but it was just gone. My grief had melted from the top of my head, down to my toes, and into the ground. Without a doubt, it was the answer to my prayer in the temple.

This did not make things easier as we went through infertility testing and treatments the next few years, but it was enough for me to know that God loves me. He sees me in my trials and grief, and he wants to grieve with me. He wants to bless me as I ask for blessings. He wants to help me get through the trial so that I can reach the joy of the blessing. And through this entire process, I can become closer to Him and grow in my testimony and life on this earth.

That day, I found joy in my grief, because I found God there with me in my grieving. There was a talk given this last October General Conference 2024 titled God’s Favourite by Elder Karl D. Hirst. In this talk he says the most beautiful thing: “I wonder, if Jesus were to choose a place where you and He could meet, a private place where you would be able to have a singular focus on Him, might He choose your unique place of personal suffering, the place of your deepest need, where no one else can go? Somewhere you feel so lonely that you must truly be all alone but you aren’t quite, a place to which perhaps only He has travelled but actually has already prepared to meet you there when you arrive? If you are waiting for Him to come, might He already be there and within reach?”

As I listened to this talk last October, my eyes became wet as this part of Elder Hirst’s talk. Such an amazing talk, all of it, but this part… it was like poetry to my soul. Yes! Yes, I have known this exact moment that he was painting with his words. The spirit confirmed this so strongly to me. You should listen to the talk; it is so beautiful how he says it.

This talk helped me to find the joy in our grief, suffering, loneliness, and pain. It is real. God wants us to have joy in this life. “In this life I shall have joy” (Moses 5:10)

I know that many are grieving something in their life today. How can you feel joy? Go to Him. He is already there with you in your grief. This I know. Turn away from the sorrow and into His loving embrace. There you will find peace and comfort. There you will find His perfect love. He will help you to find joy.