This was absolutely not my plan. I had my kids in public school, I would get all my mom errands run while they were gone, I would get them from school, we would get homework done, dinner, etc. Then do it again the next day.
During my son’s last two years of elementary school, we moved, and he should have gone to a new school. Instead, we got permission to keep him at his current school because he was thriving there. No one thought it would serve him if we changed schools.
During his 5th grade year, I was trying to figure out if I should also try to get him to the middle school that he would have gone to if we didn’t move or let him go to the new middle school. The old middle school would have all of his friends there. The new middle school didn’t have as great reviews as the other one.
I pondered on this decision for so long. I didn’t feel as if I had any clear direction from Heavenly Father. Sometimes that happens. You know why? Because it doesn’t matter. I felt that it was weird that it didn’t matter. Why wouldn’t that matter? The friends he makes in middle school would totally matter. Middle school is a time in life that definitely matters.
Well guess what? It didn’t matter. Covid happened. Quarantine began. Virtual school started. The answer was easy: Just keep it simple. We went with the new school. He did amazing.
The next school year, the county didn’t want to do virtual teaching anymore, so they sent the virtual kids to an online school. It was just not for us.
I have big need kiddos. In the public-school setting, they would each have an IEP (individualized education plan) or a 504 plan. These plans are meant to help them have an easier time in school with special accommodations to their learning and be able to have more breaks throughout the day.
This was not attainable to do virtually as I was that one person that needed to help give the accommodations. I was it. I would circle around and try to help where possible. They would finish school around 1pm and then I would work with some of them until after dinner. Every day. It was too much.
I realized that I was already “homeschooling” I just didn’t get to decide the curriculum. I had a 1st grader that had hardly any homework. She definitely needed more writing and reading opportunities.
This is when I realized that I needed to make a huge change to our life. I was totally overwhelmed with this. I didn’t really do the best in school. How am I going to teach my high schooler algebra and geometry? You know what God told me? I will help you.
I often feel like I am juggling, and I have too many balls and not enough focus to perform this act well. I have become better able to multi-task which has never been a strong suit of mine. But God has helped me to be able to stretch in my multi-tasking to help my children.
I have never been able to read math and understand how to do the problem. You know what? He has opened my understanding more so that I can do that now. He directs me to YouTube videos when I am stuck to walk me through the problem step by step.
One of my kiddos really struggles with math. Some days, she can see how to work through all of the problems. Other days, she sees the math problems and just shuts down. They seem too hard. Especially the word problems.
I know when she hits her metaphorical wall. I can see it in her body language. I cannot drop what I’m doing with another child to help her through each step. She has the ability to figure it out. She needs the encouragement to keep going. She needs to step away and take a break. She needs to not let the problem seem bigger than the answer.
This. Don’t Let the Problem be Bigger than the Answer. I found myself saying that to her one day, as I worked with another struggling kiddo.
How many times do we look at the seemingly impossible problem and make it bigger than the answer? I do that a lot. I don’t do it as much now. You know how I was able to make that change? I realized that no matter how big or seemingly impossible the problem is, He has a way. I learned to trust and wait. I learned to walk away and take breaks. You can’t solve problems when you are having a meltdown inside.
You know who tells you that this problem is too hard? Satan. He loves to do that. He loves to see how easy it is to push your buttons. It brings him great satisfaction. He wants to see how long he can keep you in that headspace. You can’t solve problems when you are stuck like that.
You know what God does when he sees that you are stuck. He stays by your side. He patiently waits while you work things out. He doesn’t leave you. He will give you gentle nudges in the right direction. Sometimes, He will send you the answer when you just aren’t getting it. Sometimes, He will send you an angel on earth to give you His love because you can’t feel it for yourself.
I love when He does this for me. I always know it is Him. Sometimes I’ll ask the person he sent to serve me questions. I’ll ask how they knew that I was struggling or what made them think of me. Usually, they tell me a really interesting story that was just a thought that came into their mind to reach out to me. He sends you angels. Make sure to notice these times. You will feel his love. It is unconditional. It is wonderful. It is special.
I never got that answer about which middle school to send my son to because it didn’t matter. God knew that school would be virtual when the time came for him to be in middle school. It didn’t matter which school he went to. And then, God knew that I would need to homeschool the kids.
I love homeschooling them now. It is exciting to watch their progress. They really are progressing more than they did and would if they were in public school. It took a lot of work to get here. I needed a lot of hints and direction from Him to get us to this place. I am so grateful.
Some days are hard. Some days children are mad at me. Some days I really struggle to keep patient with how I am being treated as I am their safe place to direct their frustration at.
All things that are worth doing will be hard at some point. I have to give them grace. I have to make clear boundaries as to how much I am willing to endure as they are frustrated. I have to remember to encourage and praise them. As I do all of this in love and with the bigger picture in mind, they grow. It is amazing.
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