How do you receive answers to prayers? It happens differently for all of us. I know for my husband; he says he feels his answers. I love how simple it is for him. He comes to a decision, prays about it, and then relies on the feelings he has about it. Super simple, right?

Answers to prayers don’t work like that for me. I don’t know if it is because I over think things. Maybe it’s because I wrestle with my thoughts so much. But you know what? God knows me. He knows that if it is really important, He needs to help me along.

We had been trying to get pregnant for several years. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t romantic. Friends and family were nervous to tell me of their wonderful pregnancy news. I was usually the last one to know. I didn’t want that. I wanted them to be excited to have me share in the excitement with them.

I remember telling my sister-in-law that I knew our family was coming soon. I just didn’t know how to get them here. So many options. Adoption, IVF, Fostering. How was I to know which was the right choice?

My husband’s job had amazing health insurance and the insurance had fertility benefits up to $12,000. We had used some of it, but never got pregnant. The procedures included a lot of hormones and needles on my part. After trying a couple of times, and not getting pregnant, I needed a break.

We were praying together on how to get our family here to us on earth. You know what came in the mail? A letter from the Health Insurance carrier stating that some benefits would be dropped next year. One of those benefits was the fertility benefits.

We both read the letter. Expressed our frustration with it. Went on about our evening. The next morning, we told each other that we should try IVF. I think we were both relieved that the other agreed, as it had been such a hard thing previously.

God knew that we were mentally, emotionally and physically spent with invitro procedures. He knew that we were in survival mode. It’s hard to hear Him when you are in that place.

We had our answer. I was excited, but terrified. IVF is a lot more intense than the procedure that we had previously tried. It came with a lot more needles and hormones, and I was super anxious. We began the process. It was intense. It was worth it. Now I say this, not having the experience of the expensive procedure not working out. I’ll come back to this later.

We got pregnant, the pregnancy went well, and our son was born. It was such a beautiful thing to experience. Even the discomfort, the growing aches and pains. All of it. I’m so grateful to be able to experience this with my son.

When my son was about 18 months or so, I felt that impression again. It is time to grow the family. So of course, I knew what to do. We signed up for IVF again, using our frozen embryos. We went through the process all over. I was positive that I was pregnant.

I was in the movie theater when the doctor office called. I was excited to talk with the woman that I had gotten to know over the years. She, however, was sad. She was about to tell me that I wasn’t pregnant. I heard her words, but I could not really process them. I argued that my body felt like it was pregnant. She responded that the medications I was taking to get pregnant most likely were why I was feeling that way.

I was numb. But isn’t this what God wanted me to do? I was so lost in my despair, that I couldn’t see that this was the first part of a longer process to find the right path for our family.

I felt lost. We now had to pay for IVF that did not help us increase our family. We now could not afford to try again. I was wrestling with myself as to understand if I could even hear inspiration correctly from God. It was a hard time.

We decided to try adoption. We chose to use LDS adoption services. We spoke with the woman there. She explained how everything worked. They only required $1,000 deposit to get the process started. They would complete the home study, and the adoption would cost no more than $10,000.

Sounds perfect to me. We called back exactly a month later, to tell her that we had the deposit together and were ready to begin. She told us that just three days before, the policy changed. Now, we had to pay an outside agency for the home study. It could be around $5,000.

I was devastated. We begged to have them make an exception since we had called the month before. She could not help us. We could not afford the $5,000. I felt the urgency of us adding to our family so strongly. Why was this becoming so difficult?

It was on a Friday that I was looking through emails in my phone on the couch while my son was watching some cartoons on tv. I read an email from the Relief Society Presidency in my church. It shared a lovely spiritual thought, testimony, birthdays, and announcements.

At the very bottom of the newsletter, in the announcements, was a very tiny blurb about how the Department of Social Services in our city needed foster families. I read that and got so mad that I threw my phone. I immediately told God, that if that was our answer, tell it to my husband because I was done.

Oh, how He humbled my heart over that weekend. I’ll never forget it. I have this song that I decided was for me to encourage me to not give up on figuring out how my family is supposed to come together. It is: ‘I Won’t Give Up’ by Jason Mraz.

I know, I know, it’s about a woman and a man not giving up on each other, but I turned this into my song for my family. Even today, it inspires me to keep going for my children, especially when things get difficult.

This song hadn’t been in the radio for a long time. I hadn’t heard it myself for a long time. It wasn’t long after me throwing my phone down in my tantrum that the song came over the radio. It made me stop and think. I decided to call the woman who wrote the newsletter.

When I asked her about why she wrote such a random thing in a church newsletter (this was not a typical thing in the previous newsletters by the way), she responded that she had been very nervous about writing it. She knew that it wasn’t typical for the newsletter and then you know what she said? She said that she felt very strongly that someone needed that information. I began to cry. She then realized that I was that person.

We cried together over the phone. I really didn’t want to do foster care. It sounded too hard. My heart was not softened enough for that. God knew. He continued to work on me over the rest of the weekend. Situations kept happening. I don’t remember all of them. But it was the last one that got me to realize that He was needing me to act on this.

At this time, I taught a primary class with a lovely woman named Ruby. She was in her late 80’s and I love her dearly. We taught the class of the children turning 8 and are able to be baptized if they wish.

I was at a baptism the next day for one of our kiddos and had to hurry to leave from there to go to some event with my son. I congratulated the kiddo and left quickly. I went the car and strapped my son in and looked up to see Ruby waving at me from the entrance to the church building. She rushed over to me and said, “Oh Kista, I had a dream about you last night and I knew that you needed something!”

This. This was what made me stop and finally Hear Him. This is what made me realize that all of the little coincidental things that had happened since reading that newsletter, were absolutely not coincidences. They were God, telling me what I had to hear. I was just not listening enough to the still small whisperings of the spirit.

I am so glad that He did not give up on me. I told my husband of everything. He said okay, let’s do it. We called up Social Services and got connected to the foster care worker that trains people to become foster families, signed up for the classes and began our new journey.

I wasn’t listening to the answers I was getting. God knew, I needed to time process the answers that I was getting. He worked at my pace, but He also let me know that it was very important to act soon. I am so grateful for this experience. It helps my testimony that God knows each of us individually. It helps me know that He does talk to us. He does send us messages. He does respond to our prayers.

How do you hear Him? Now adays, I hear Him constantly. I notice Him in my life more and more.

This weekend, the church that I am a member of; The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gets to participate in a worldwide general conference. It begins on Saturday, with three two-hour sessions of talks and testimonies. Then it continues on Sunday with two more two-hour sessions.

I get to hear powerful testimonies and stories. A lot of times, I get answers to prayers on this weekend. I prepare myself with things I am struggling with, answers that I am seeking. And I just prepare myself to hear and have my spiritual cup filled to overflowing. I love General Conference weekend.

I invite you to listen. You can find the link here: http://www.churchofjesuschrist.org