Lately, I been able to empathize with those who doubt the miracle of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Let me be very clear, I am a firm believer that Jesus is real. I believe with my whole soul that He is the Son of God and my Redeemer. I love Him and I want to tell everyone about Him and His Gospel.

Yet, there are times when I have these thoughts pop into my head, how could that miracle have happened? It can come at any time when I am reading my scriptures, doesn’t matter if I’m reading about Moses, Paul, or church history. Satan loves to pop those questions into my mind. I’ve decided to use those intrusive thoughts to help me to empathize with those that are just learning about God and Jesus Christ or who are struggling with the Gospel as they currently understand it.

I know that for some, faith comes easily. It is a spiritual gift that they were born with. I don’t think that this a gift I was born with. I have really had to work on having faith and learning what it is. I am so very grateful that I have these moments of feeling what it is like to not have my faith. It helps me to find words to describe what I am feeling; what faith feels like to me. I remember the days when I didn’t really care to find my faith. I was happy to know what I knew and just keep on living my life.

Yet, my life felt empty and confining even when I didn’t have any rules to really live by. I don’t know if that makes any sense. Having faith gave me the structure that my soul yearned for and it doesn’t feel suffocating to me. Not having faith felt suffocating to me.

Faith gives me confidence. A confidence that comes in no other way. Spiritual confidence is an incredible and empowering confidence. It brings the hope of joy into my life. Faith gives me the desire to motivate me to work through my doubts. It helps me to turn toward my scriptures and to God when I struggle with certain concepts. It reminds me that I will not understand everything in this life and that I will need to surrender things to Him so that I can feel peace.

Whenever I hear the word doubt in a spiritual way, I think of Doubting Thomas. I think it is interesting that Thomas got this nickname. Here is a man that left all that he knew to follow Jesus Christ. If you really think about what that meant, he left his livelihood and went to go learn from a man that claimed to be the Son of God; a man in whom none of those that lived in his home of Nazareth believed could possibly be the Son of God. Instead of believing in Jesus, they called Him a blasphemer and attempted to put Him to death.

This Doubting Thomas had great faith. And even if he didn’t understand fully; even if he had some doubts, he followed Jesus anyways. Even through and most especially during the scariest time of his discipleship of Jesus Christ.

It was only when Jesus Christ let the guards take Him prisoner; having healed first healed the ear that Peter had cut off of the High Priest’s servant that Thomas and the other disciples fled from Jesus.

It was only when Jesus died on the cross, when Thomas knew fully well what miracles and power this man had to deliver himself from this painful torment and death that confusion seeped in. I don’t blame him. I’m sure there were many sleepless nights around that week in Jerusalem. Tensions were high, and the adrenaline must have been surging through most of that time. Eventually, Jesus had been taken, the disciples fled for their own safety and had no idea what to expect. There were mock trials and beatings and torture and Jesus suffered it all alone.

I’m sure there was guilt on Thomas’s part as well. I’m sure he had a very great internal struggle inside his mind. Maybe he felt he should have been with Jesus but instead he fled for his own safety and hated himself for abandoning his Master.

It was only when he was told that his Lord had risen that we see Thomas doubting. I can’t imagine the anguish, depression, confusion and other emotions that took a toll on Thomas’s mind that led him to doubt. But I do know this, “doubting Thomas” was always a believer first.

Honestly, I’m not even sure if Thomas doubted more than he believed. Can you relate to that? I sure can. There will always be things that come up; things that will challenge our faith, testimony, and beliefs. These are great times to really lean in and ponder, reflect, and pray. Turn to God. Believe that He will guide you if you ask Him.

I say this because if you turn to man or to the world, you will always find what you are looking for. If you are looking for ways to discount the miracles, you will find it. If you are looking for ways to strengthen what you believe you will find it. But with God, you will only find truth. He will only give it to you if you are desiring to find it with your whole heart. He will never make you do anything and He will never give you something that you are not ready for.

So, if you aren’t getting an answer, ask yourself some of these questions:

1. Are you sure you didn’t get an answer, but instead chose to ignore it? I have done that. Pray to know if you already received your answer. He will remind you. A memory will come to mind.
2. If that doesn’t work, then maybe you haven’t been given an answer. This is the time to do some self-reflection. What do you maybe need to change in your life that will help you become ready for Him to answer your question? I have eliminated much in my life. I wanted to show Him that I want to progress. It has taken me giving up some worldly things or ideas to show Him that I am ready. Try it. It will change you in ways that you cannot imagine.

Here is a really good article that talks more about doubting. I was also listening to a general conference talk by Tamara W. Runia. This was an amazing talk given last month and I want to share it with you.