It has become very obvious over the last several years that I have seasonal affective disorder. It can also be known as the “winter blues”. This is a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern. Mine affects me in the winter time. I thought that it was because the days are shorter and usually more overcast. But so far, this winter has been a mostly sunny winter where I live.

I have learned that taking extra vitamin D helps me to do better. This year I started taking my vitamin D when the time changed to kind of head off the rough part of winter. The thought was that I could tackle it head on and prevent it altogether.

Then my first day of feeling bleh came. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. I felt disconnected and just kind of moving through the motions. I was still filling my spiritual cup, but it felt almost impossible to feel God. I was sad. Isn’t it interesting that the acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder is SAD?

I hate feeling this way. I remember laying in bed one night that was especially difficult. I had all of the negative thoughts that aren’t helpful. I was thinking that I should pray for help and then immediately thinking that I didn’t feel like praying for help. It was very interesting to reflect back on it. It seemed as though, because I couldn’t feel God, Satan was ready to jump right in and whisper unhelpful things to me.

This last fall, I was in the Shenandoah Mountains at an Orchard that we like to go to. I was with one of my daughters and we went to go grab some fresh apples. We got out of the car and looked down on the beautiful town below the mountain. It was an overcast day and you could see the shadows of the clouds on the town. There was one patch of sky that didn’t have any cloud cover. As you looked down on the town, you could see the one spot that had all of the sun shining on it. There rest of the town was in shadow from the clouds above.

That is how depression feels to me. The sun is shining in all of its glory. But I can’t seem to feel it because of the clouds blocking it from me. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there, because it is. I just need to wait until the clouds pass and I will feel its warmth again.

Back to the night I was struggling to pray for help with my condition. I woke in the middle of the night with several very clear impressions to me from God. I know that He was showing me that even though I didn’t pray for His help, He sees my struggles. He gave me several insights that night that helped me to feel His love.

One of those insights is to own the mess you’ve been given. This came after a dream about a friend. As I lay there in the dark pondering this dream, these words came very clearly to my mind.

Own the mess you’ve been given. What does that even mean? For me, it means that I have been given blessings and I have been given trials. Life gets a little messy. Especially when you add in our human weaknesses. I realized that when I own my mess, I am humble enough to receive the strength that God wants to bless me with.

We have all been given weaknesses in this life. For some of us, many weaknesses. In Ether 12:27 I says, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto mean weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for it they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

I love this scripture. It has been a powerful reminder to me that yes, I am weak, but with God, I can become strong. This scripture has come to life for me in the last ten or so years. I had a little printable that I kept on the windowsill in my bathroom. I could see it every morning as I got ready for the day. This was very helpful to me when my anxiety was at a much more debilitating place in my life.

I’m so thankful for the scriptures and those that kept the precious records. They went through really hard trials as well, and because of these records they kept, we can turn to them and find strength and courage to endure hardships well. There were so many people in the scriptures that chose to do really hard things. But they chose to do those hard things with God. He met them where they were at, and He magnified them to do what was needed.

What are you struggling with? Do you know that God is there? Do you want to feel His love too? Pray to Him. Talk with Him. Pour your heart out to Him. He is waiting for you.

Don’t forget to own the mess you have been given. Before Christmas, when we were going through the whole house and purging things that we don’t need, we had to make a really big mess. Only then, could we put things into place and purge the things that were not serving us. You have to get messy in this life, but as you put your full intention into putting things where they need to go, you will find joy and beauty in the journey.