I heard her words, but I knew in my heart that these babies were intended to be my children, so I just nodded and didn’t really listen to her words of caution.

Fast forward a few years and after having three babies come into my life in three years, which is a lot for any mother, there also came great needs for them.

I thought I could do it all. I can do hard things after all. But I was also running myself ragged. My little one hadn’t slept through the night in three years. In fact, she was up between three to seven times each night. Thinking back now, she was probably having seizures and we never knew it.

I was also fostering a teenager and driving almost two hours in the afternoon to pick her up then rush back to pick up my son and then meet the kids when they got off of the bus. I was “super mom”. I have no idea how I accomplished all of this because I was exhausted.

It wasn’t until my children’s therapists heard how much I was doing that they told me to get more help. One therapist walked me through the process of getting a personal care attendant for my little one.

Of course, I didn’t need help, I was getting it all done. We were fine.

Over the next few days, my heart was softened, and my eyes were opened to how much I wasn’t able to do. I proceeded to take her advice and start the process to try to get a personal care attendant.

In a similar situation, I was trying to get some help for my other daughter, my quiet one. It wasn’t working out. Then one evening, this therapy company came over to the house and told me that they would help. I thought they would just come once a week. They told me that they would be there every day of the week for about three hours a day.

I was stunned. I had been praying for months to find some help for my daughter. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t have the tools in my toolbox to help her with her struggles at that time. When these women told me that they would be there every day, I knew that God was answering my prayers.

While having strangers come to your house and be a part of your daily life is not the most convenient thing, it was such a blessing to our family. I learned a lot of things. My daughter learned a lot of things. We made connections with these therapists that will last a lifetime. I am so grateful for this.

I was browsing my social media the other day and this man was talking. He was talking about the saying, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”. He went on to explain why that is wrong.

That got my attention. He went on to say something like, “When we turn to Him, He doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” So: we can do anything, when we turn to God.

I totally agree. We can do anything, but only with God. And He might send some people to help you out. Be humble. Accept their help. It can change your life for the better. You have no idea! Have faith.

There were definitely therapists that were not a good fit for our family. They had to go, and other therapists came. It wasn’t an easy answer the entire time. I had to figure it out and it lasted about three years.

We are now in a much better place and the seizures are under control, my quiet one is doing much better, and I am getting sleep every night. Of course, I am still pushing myself hard, but I am not as exhausted.

My story of what I shared is a very simple example free of heartache and pain because I wanted to keep it light. I do recognize the very real struggles with addiction, trauma, heartache, disease and much more.

One time, I was in a numb place. Being in a numb place is when I am so hurt and broken that I just feel numb. I am beyond feeling. I remember driving in my car on a windy road. This road happens to have a very sharp turn. You really have to go about 25 mph or less to stay in control of the car.

I was in a numb place, and I remember having this thought come into my mind that if I were to just let myself run off the road here at this curve and die, it wouldn’t matter. No one would care. I have no purpose anyways.

I remember that I calmly turned the steering wheel to avoid running off of the road and driving into the trees. And then I cried. I think of this moment often. I had no desire to end my life. The thought came to me at one of my weakest moments and for just a few seconds, I believed it. That is how Satan works.

He lies in wait and then he whispers these suggestions to you at your weakest moment. It. Was. A. Lie. I have a great purpose. I have a great purpose as a mother to my special children. I have a great purpose to my wonderful husband. I have a great purpose to my friends and family. I hope that I am serving a great purpose to those that read my testimony on this blog. I will yet serve a great purpose still. Satan wants to keep me from my purpose in this life.

You have a purpose in this life as well. Don’t believe his lies. I can tell when Satan is whispering to me because it brings darkness, confusion, sadness, and despair. When I am listening to the Spirit I feel love, peace, joy, and a desire to take action. Can you feel the difference?

God will help you get through your circumstance. It will not go away, but it will become lighter. He will lead you to the help you might need. Let Him guide you. Trust Him. He knows the beginning from the end.

If you don’t believe me, I have a few invitations for you:

1. Go to the search bar at the bottom of the page and search the word purpose. Read any or all of those posts. At some point, you should start feeling your heart soften, you will know that you have a purpose. You won’t discover what it is here, that is for you to figure out with God.

2. Read here about the Plan of Salvation, the Plan of Redemption, the Plan of Happiness.

For anyone that needs to talk with someone about self-harm or suicidal thoughts please call: 988 for the 988 Lifeline. “Talking with someone can save your life.”

I sincerely hope that this blog post brings hope instead of despair. In the link, you can contact missionaries to teach you more about the Plan of Happiness. It brings me hope into my life, especially when things are dark and numb.