We have modeled many ways to help her communicate her wants and needs with sign language and we are increasing her vocabulary as much as possible. When she gets upset or overwhelmed, she loses the ability to access her words. When this happens, we have to figure out what she needs, but we have her participate in the process. We will give her two options, one for each hand. The picture above is the perfect example. One hand is for yes, and the other is for no.

This has been the most empowering way for her see that even if she loses the ability to access her words, she can still communicate with us. She trusts us so much to help get her feelings, needs, and desires communicated. Not too long ago, she had her first “fight” with a sibling. Her feelings were big. Her amazing care attendant took her from the situation and patiently and lovingly guided her through several emotions so that she could put a name to what she was feeling. She chose angry over and over again as her attendant wanted to make sure it was the actual feeling that she felt. It sure was.

My other child had the hardest time apologizing for her actions that cause such big emotion to her sister. It is very easy for them to forget that while this sweet little one cannot talk, she is a complex person also. She has big feelings, she needs space, and she has boundaries. The other kids are not used to this side of her. They are used to coming and taking what they need from her without asking first.

Several months ago, we had a homeschool huddle (our meeting to start the school day off). That morning, I knew we needed to talk about Agency; the power to choose and what comes from that great gift. Today I feel inspired to share that message with you.

We are children of a loving Heavenly Father. We have the power to choose because it is so important to Them. When we came to the earth, we forgot all about who we really are, BUT we were able to keep the ability to choose. That was the most important part of the plan. Because agency for each individual to choose will get messy, we needed a Savior to make an Atonement for our sins (wrong choices) and have the ability to repent of them. Read more in Stick to the Plan, and It Is Going to Be Hard.

My little one has a certain light and love about her. We all have gone to her on days where we feel sad or lonely. She shares her love willingly. Now that she is older, and having learned about consent, she understands that she should be asked before anyone just takes what they want or need from her. All of us invade her space and don’t ask. I am working very hard to change this and model asking for permission to the other children. Some of the kids are really struggling with this new change.

The don’t want to have to ask. She has always been something that brought them happiness and joy and stopping to ask just seems like such an inconvenience. They want to just be able to take what they need from her. This does not honor the person that she is. It does not honor her boundaries. She would gladly give them the hugs and love that they need. She just wants to be asked. To be able to be given the choice.

This makes me think of the woman with the issue of blood for twelve years that touched the hem of Jesus’s robe. She didn’t ask. She just did it. Her faith told her that “If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.” She did this and was immediately healed. He knew right when the virtue had left Him. He stopped and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” The disciples, having missed the miracle that took place, wondered why Jesus would ask who touched my clothes when it could have been anyone as there was a large crowd. Jesus meant something completely different though. He looked and saw her. She was scared and feel down before Him as she knew that she took healing from Him without asking and she told him everything about her condition about her desire and faith to be healed of Him. He said to her, “Daughter, thy faith hath made the whole, go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” (Mark 5:25-34, KJV)

I have no doubt that if she had asked first, she would have been healed also. Jesus Christ would not deny her. But she didn’t wait, she didn’t ask. She just acted on her impulse. Jesus could have been angry or frustrated with her for taking His virtue without asking. Of course, He didn’t. He is a perfect and loving being.

This is what is difficult for my little one. She is such a source of virtue and light. She gives it willingly to all. She has a way of looking into your soul. She sees who you really are. It can be disconcerting to some people. But she always has the ability to soften their hearts with her love. It is really cool to watch even the most hardened person smile after an interaction with her. But she wants to be asked from her siblings that just come and take from her constantly. It is important to her that they respect her boundary.

I’m now going to share another example. I have several children that have audial processing issues. We have sets of headphones all around the house for when things get too loud. We have a decibel meter right next to our kitchen table to remind others that when they talk or laugh loudly that they might be hurting the ears of another. Even with all of these things, they have free agency to choose. Others have the free agency to get upset when their needs and boundaries are not honored. It can all make for a very interesting day around the house.

One child wants to sing with all of her gusto while doing chores. Another child’s ears hurt from the noise, and she doesn’t want to wear the headphones that squeeze their head. One child is upset because she wants to sing. The other child is upset because they don’t understand why the other won’t honor their boundary. They both have big feelings towards each other. Both of them want to use their agency. How do we resolve this issue?

One day, I was inspired present these questions to ask:

1. Does this serve me? If yes, ask question number 2.
2. Does this serve others around me? And if it doesn’t serve others around me, what can, or should I do instead?

This was an interesting start to showing the kids how their ability to choose does not always lead to consequences that only affect them. Every choice we make has a consequence. Good or bad. When a choice is made, there will be a consequence of that choice. Sometimes, the choice we make does not lead to consequences that only affect us. There are choices that we make that will affect the people around us, sometimes those that we love dearly are affected by our choices. Those consequence can be hard and bring division or they can be wonderful and create unity.

I am so thankful for the inspiration I received to help me show my children that yes, the power to choose is yours. But think of the consequences that will follow from that decision. Who and how will it affect those around you.

I myself have made many choices in my life. Several of them were not good choices and there were definitely consequences that came from them. Hard consequences that I knowingly and sometimes unknowingly chose because of my decision. Some of those affected other people. Those are harder for me to forgive myself for. I’m okay making dumb choices and having to make things right for myself. But the choices that I made that affected the lives of others, those are the ones that are more difficult for me to forgive myself for.

I wanted to share these questions with you today:

1. Does this serve me, if yes ask question number 2.
2. Does this serve others around me? And if it doesn’t serve others around me, what can, or should I do instead?

I wish I had them as a guide for my younger self. I know that some of my dumb decisions would most likely still have been made. I am an imperfect human after all. But I do think that if I could see the effect of how my choice would affect my loved ones, I would have chosen differently.