When we were in our foster parent training, we were told not to make plans. This was interesting to me. I’m a planner. I love to plan. The reason we were told this is because these children have been through traumatic events and at any point in time, they can become overwhelmed. The event you put so much effort into planning might have to be cancelled or rescheduled to help care for this child. To show them that they are more important.

Going to the bowling alley might become too much for them and you might have to leave before the game has finished. Being at a family gathering could remind them of their family that they cannot see for reasons they might not understand. They could have a tantrum and you might need to leave the family gathering to help this child cope with these feelings.

She wasn’t telling us to not make plans, she was telling us to prepare to have those plans change at the drop of a hat. She was trying to prepare us to not feel the disappointment of having to change those plans but to see the bigger more immediate needs of this child.

Do you see it? I’ll be really clear just in case. Leave the more highly preferred activity that you really want to participate in to tend to the big needs of someone that is deeply struggling. They. Need. You.

This can be hard as a mother to big needs children. When do I find time for myself? I mentioned that I spoke with a therapist over the winter. It was good for me. I learned that I HAD to take care of myself. I knew this. I just didn’t know how to implement it. The “mom guilt” was so real to me.

My therapist walked me through the process of making goals for myself to refill my empty cup. I started small. Each step has been a breath of fresh air to me. Now, I know that I can take care of me and that they will be ok for the time that I am gone. They rejoice when I return to them. I’m so grateful for this encouragement to do this.

Our foster care trainer also knew that there would be times when we would need to have a respite. Respite care is being willing to take a foster child for a limited amount of time to give the foster family a break or to help them when schedules cannot be changed.

We had a few respite children. Each of them was a tremendous joy to be around. We were always sad to see them go but we knew that God had a plan for them. He would not forsake them.

One such situation, I was able to do respite care for two weeks. We cared for a little boy whose foster family had already planned to go to Disneyworld and couldn’t take him with them. I fell in love with this little boy. Less than two weeks into our respite care, the family called and said that they would be coming home early.

As the reality of him leaving us earlier than expected hit me, I began to be sad that he hadn’t been our placement. It wasn’t until we saw their van pull up to the house and the joy he had, and the rush of their entire family pouring out of the car to embrace this little boy that I understood. He wasn’t meant to be with us. He was meant to be loved by this family. God sent him to their family for a purpose.

God knows everything. He taught this to me that day. My heart was filled with love for this entire family. It was beautiful to watch their reunion. I will never forget this lesson of love that He gave to me.

The family told me that they could not enjoy being at Disneyworld without their foster son. They were miserable the entire time. Even their older children. Finally, they decided they would rather end their time at Disneyworld early to come and be with him. What an amazing example of love.

Don’t be afraid to make plans just remember to be flexible.

This reminds me of my plans when we got married. I planned to work while my husband finished school. We would start a family a couple of years into our marriage. I would be a stay-at-home mom. Well, things didn’t go as planned. I wasn’t flexible in the change of plans.

This is when I became angry at God. I was angry that He wasn’t blessing me with the righteous desires of my heart. Isn’t that how it works? I was doing the right things, wasn’t I? I couldn’t see that He knew more than I did. I couldn’t see how all of my struggles and trials would become great blessings to me later. I understand that now. I am so grateful to Him.

I try to remember to be flexible when I make my plans now.