This sweatshirt seemed to be the beginning of getting shirts that say, ‘Be Kind’. I have had several shirts gifted to me since then that say this phrase. Is it because they were trying to tell me something? Am I not kind enough? Am I wearing it to show the world to be kind? Sometimes these questions would pop into my head.
The answer to both questions is yes. I needed to be more kind and patient in my mothering. I needed to be more kind and patient with myself in all of my inadequacies as a parent and as a first time homeschool teacher. I needed to be more kind and patient with others around me.
I also needed to wear the shirt to tell the world to be kind. As I am in the community with a child that has a disability, or is struggling with their emotions, I am telling those around me to be kind. My shirt has the words on display, but my patient actions with that child speaks louder than those words.
I write this portion of my blog today with my children’s permission:
I have children that struggle to understand and work through complex emotions. For some kiddos, it shows up as a shutdown. For some a meltdown. For some a tantrum. Each one is different. Some feel big and some feel small to everyone around them. As I stated in my post Determination and Affirmations I needed to meet them where they are at.
I didn’t need to ‘Teach them kindness’; instead, I needed to ‘Teach them WITH kindness’. I needed to keep calm. I needed to be silent. I need to wait patiently. I needed to show them that no matter how big their tantrum got, or what mean words were said to me, I would love them DURING the process and AFTER the process.
This. This has changed my mothering. It has changed my children. They are starting to thrive. They are starting to trust more. They know that even if I am not engaging with them during this hard moment. I. Am. There. When they are done, they know that I will love and accept them, even when they didn’t show up their best. I will be there to embrace them and then they can feel heard and seen in their struggle.
You know what this makes me think of? Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Even when we ourselves are in a moment of a meltdown or tantrum, they are standing close by. They are waiting patiently for us to realize that they still love us. Even in our ugly moments.
At some point in the early years of our marriage, I was angry at God. I can’t remember exactly why. But I do remember this. I felt horrible for my angry mutterings so much that I made an appointment to see my Bishop. I took out my temple recommend and laid it on his desk and pushed it over to his side. I told him that I needed to give it back to him.
His eyes widened in shock, and he seemed speechless for a brief moment.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, with the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and His priesthood, we are able to once again establish temples on the earth. They are houses dedicated to God. His presence can be felt in these holy places.
To be able to go into a temple after it has been dedicated to Him, you have to have an interview with your Bishop to receive a recommendation from him to go. It shows that you are worthy to enter there. For no unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God.
I love the temple. It is so special to me. It is my place to connect with Him. To consult with Him without the distractions of the world. To learn more about Him and Jesus Christ and their plan for us.
My bishop hesitantly asked, what is this for? I tearfully explained to him of my anger towards God and how I had been so disrespectful, and I didn’t feel worthy of my temple recommend anymore.
My bishop lovingly told me that God wants me to have that recommend. He wants me to turn to Him more. He is there, He understands my heart. He has a great plan for me. He invited me to take my temple recommend back. And you know what? As I did, the spirit confirmed to me the truthfulness of what he said.
God teaches us WITH kindness. With loving and enduring patience. We can trust Him. But we have to learn how. Sometimes, that comes with all of the experiences of us not trusting him, but then years later looking back and seeing that He knew how it all works out. Seeing how He had a plan for you better than you could have dreamed of for yourself.
One of my sweet daughters really struggles with trust. She will hang her head in shame. She won’t accept the hugs that are offered. She doesn’t feel as if she deserves them. I understand why this is, but it can be frustrating that she hasn’t learned to trust me yet. But I know that as I continue to teach her WITH kindness, she will learn to grow her trust.
It is a good learning experience for her. If she learns to trust me, then how much easier it will be to learn to trust Heavenly Father. She will be able to remember the steps that she took to trust me to love her when she feels so unsure that she deserves it. When she feels so unsure of the trust that others will have for her. When she feels that she cannot trust herself even.
Can you relate? How many of us feel this way. We cannot even trust ourselves. Don’t worry, keep learning, keep trying. Let Him show you. When the people around you are not trustworthy, He always is.
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