Many years ago, I was in my first year of marriage, I had a full-time job, my friends had all gone off to college, and my family had moved away. My husband I saw each other less than we did when we were engaged and I was barely keeping my head above water. I was overwhelmed and I was lonely.

I had been asked to be a leader over the second-year girls at the Stake Girls Camp for my church that summer. I would be responsible for getting the second-year girls at camp to their activities throughout the week, bonding with them, and making sure they felt loved. I wasn’t able to attend the leadership meeting due to work and I was unprepared. I was a young adult that was not used to leadership positions yet and I had no idea what I was doing. I think that the wonderful woman that called me to serve had an impression that I was further along in leadership roles that I actually was. Due to missing the leadership meeting, I was embarrassingly unprepared when I got to camp.

When I arrived to camp, all I knew was that I would camp with my ward. As the girls were setting up, I was talking with one of the mothers with some other young adults in my ward. I assumed this mother would be one of the leaders that week.  After the girls had set up the tents, this woman said, “okay, I’m going to drive home now.” I looked at her in surprise and asked, “Wait! Who are the adult leaders?” She laughed and gestured to all of us, “You three are.” I was stunned. The weight of that responsibility felt heavy on my shoulders. Caroline, Rachel and I were the group of adults. Three young women in our twenties would be in charge of the girls in our ward camp site. Caroline, was the ward camp director, Rachel was the camp nurse and I was a level leader over the second-year girls at camp. I was not prepared to be one of the leaders for my own ward as I assumed I would only have the responsibility of the second-year girls at camp.

Not long after getting settle into my tent I realized that I had completely forgotten the Secret Sister assignments. Secret sister is a fun activity where the girls pick names before or at the beginning of camp and throughout the week they give snacks, fun little gifts, handmade crafts, or handwritten notes to their secret sister. There was a station set up in the middle of the camp with clothes line strung about and each girl at camp had a bag that was there for her secret sister to put things in.

I felt that I had majorly failed in not having these assignments ready. How could I make this right? Instead of admitting my forgetfulness, and trying to work through it with my girls, I just went about each night and secretly filled each girls’ bags with the same items hoping that no one would notice. I was so disappointed in myself and embarrassed to admit my mistake.

This was the beginning of a difficult week for me. I remember it being so hot in our tent that none of us leaders had been getting much sleep. I remember talking with Caroline and Rachel in our tent about how much I appreciated my previous camp leaders even more now that I was a leader. I never realized or even thought to appreciate the loving sacrifices all of my camp leaders made to make girls camp a successful and memorable experience.

Rachel, the camp nurse, never got to have a warm meal. It seemed like every single time she sat down to eat, a girl would come over and need to have a tick removed, or they would need to have a cut cleaned and bandaged. I remember trying to shoo flies from her plate and hoping that she would be able to eat soon. One night, a serious medical concern arose and she wasn’t able to come back to the tent for sleep until the sun rose in the morning. I felt terrible for her and so grateful for her at the same time.

I was struggling so much. It was so hot that week. I don’t really function well in hot and humid heat. I was exhausted going on hikes with the girls, and taking them to activities and struggling with my feelings of unpreparedness and failure. The biggest struggle for me however, was getting enough food and water to fuel my body for all of the activities in the hot humid heat of summer.

Finally, I came to my breaking point. I realized that I was going to be really sick if I did not go home. I drove home with bitter tears of exhaustion and failure. At home, I took a hot shower and then just slept. The next morning, I decided that I would finish what I had started, and I drove myself back to camp refreshed and ready to go.

When I got there, someone had asked me about the secret sister assignment. I shamefully admitted that I had forgotten to do the assignments and how I was trying to keep it going myself. The person lovingly told me that the girls had figured it out. They came together, made the secret sister assignments, and began filling the bags the way they were meant to be filled; with love for each other. My eyes filled with tears with understanding that even though I did not do my part, the girls had found a way to love each other. They saw a need and they filled it and by doing so, they loved each other in a more special way than if I had fulfilled my responsibility.

I was supposed to be the leader of these girls, but instead, they saw my shortcomings and they offered me grace. One day, it was our time to go to the camp’s large pool. I swam with the girls for a bit, but then found my way over to a lounge chair under a large umbrella to just sit and watch the girls interact with each other. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to find that I didn’t see any of my girls. They went on to the next activity and let me sleep. I had slept for a couple of hours. The girls and the other adult leaders with them saw my exhaustion and let me sleep.

I share this raw personal experience with you because we are all human. We are all learning, struggling, and figuring it out. When I realized that I need to blog about this experience, I felt ashamed to share it. I still have big feelings of inadequacy about this experience, but as I have recalled these moments, I see God’s loving hand. He met my inadequacy and He stepped in to help those girls have a remarkable camp experience. He saw my weakness and He helped inspire the girls to become leaders in their own way.

Ether 12:27 “And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for it they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

This is one of my favorite scriptures. It has gotten me through a lot of struggles in my life for the last several years. It helps me to remember that I am human with weaknesses just like anyone else. It helps me that recognizing humility is important, and it is always easier to humble myself than to be humbled. It gives me the knowledge that God gives me grace and it is sufficient. I must be humble to recognize it. And finally, if I can become humble before God, have faith in Him, He will make those weak things become strong things.

I would love to say that in all the years since that Girls Camp experience, I have become a more prepared leader. I am still human and life gets really busy. I drop the ball sometimes. When I turn to Him and ask Him to help me accomplish these things I have committed to accomplish, He always helps me get it done and get it done well. I am so grateful for this partnership that I have with Him. I have also learned that loving those that I am called to serve is the most important thing I can do in any calling that I have.

I am so very thankful for scriptures written thousands of years ago that I can read and relate to my own life. I find so many answers in the scriptures. I am so grateful for them. If you aren’t looking for answers to life’s questions in the scriptures, give it a try. It is a real thing. I didn’t believe it was possible, but then I started looking and I have found many answers! I didn’t always like the answers that I found, but I have no doubt that they were indeed the answer to my prayers.

I’m so glad that I acted on the prompting to blog about this experience. Like I said, recalling this week at Girl’s Camp is not my favorite because it is a memory full of my weaknesses, shortcomings, and letting others down. However, today, Heavenly Father showed me how there was grace and love throughout that entire week. He showed me the grace and love of others in my struggle and today, so many years later, I wish that I could express my gratitude to these amazing girls and leaders.

Doctrine & Covenants 18:10 “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God”.

Recalling this experience today helped me to see how this scripture is applied to all of His children. God wanted these girls to feel loved at Girls Camp that week. He helped them to become leaders and to show love to each other when I dropped the ball on my responsibilities. He also showed love for me through the grace of those around me during such a difficult week. He didn’t want me to feel shamed because I didn’t do my part. Instead, I was gifted a learning experience.

Because of this experience, I decided that I would never drop the ball in my callings again. I would learn to ask for help when needed and delegate to those that are more skilled in areas that I am not. We are after all put together in callings because everyone has something to contribute and if we try to do it all ourselves, it won’t work very well. Caroline, Rachel, and I had no idea that we would be put together as a group of leaders and though things were a little messy, we made it through together.

After all of this intense week of struggling, I was told that they would love for me to come back and be a level leader again. I had no idea why they would want me to come back, but I do know that I did have some very special moments with some very wonderful girls and I guess in the end, that is all that mattered.