I remember being at a track meet as a family to watch a friend compete. My son loves people. He can make friends anywhere he goes. We met up with our friend’s family and watched her compete together. He was so excited to have an audience to try to make laugh. I remember giving him looks to remind him that he hadn’t run this skit by me yet. He tried to ignore me. Finally, I needed to go over and give him a verbal reminder as the content of comedy was getting a little tricky. As I neared closer, he skirted away but still shared the jokes a little more loudly. It makes me laugh to remember this. He wanted to bring laughter and joy to others so much. This is just who he is.
Over time, he realized that telling us first was a good idea. There were moments where others became outraged by the joke, and he would be reprimanded by them. He had no idea what had just happened. He did understand the anger from that person. I immediately thought of Will Smith and Chris Rock. I did not want my son to learn the hard way that there are boundaries that others have and once those boundaries are violated, physical things can happen. My son has such a tender heart. I didn’t want him to be hurt physically because he didn’t understand the jokes he was telling.
It took a lot of time, teaching, and he needed to listen to me when I explained why some of the jokes weren’t funny, or they were mean spirited. Jokes like those don’t bring laughter, it brings hurt and anger. We focused on listening to comedians that have clean language and even then, we realized that clean comedians can be mean in their jokes.
He has spent a lot of time learning what type of comedian he wants to be. The thing that I have enjoyed the most about all of this is that he is learning about our big wide world from the safety of home. He asks me all kinds of questions about things he hears in the comedy skits. It gives me an opportunity to explain the tricky things of the world to him and to help him navigate how he feels about it. He has grown so much as a person from listening to comedy. He has become a generally funny kid, and he brings fun and laughter to those around him. It has been fun to watch.
The other day, his countenance seemed to become heavier and heavier throughout the day. After having a discussion with his dad, he seemed to get heavy all at once. I invited him over to talk with me and try to understand what had happened. We went outside and sat down, and he began to explain to me that since he had stopped listening to unclean comedians, the cuss words were still in his thoughts. He then said that sometimes he swears in his head. He feels terrible about it, and he can’t make it stop.
We had just read in the scriptures the night before about the ten commandments. He felt like he wasn’t living the commandments when it says to not take the name of the Lord in vain. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” (Exodus 20: 7) He heard the phrase “God damn” so many times in the skits, that it just became natural for his brain to hear and think it. He felt terrible. So terrible that he was unable to enjoy the things that usually make him happy. He absolutely did not want God to think that he did not love, respect, and honor him. He didn’t know how to fix this.
I love his pure heart. What an amazing example to me of a repentant heart. He realized that there was something wrong, he was incredibly sorrowful about it, and he wanted desperately to make a change. I showed this to him. He was already doing the steps of repentance and he didn’t even know it. Now all he had to do was act on making that change. And you know what? He was already acting on it.
Last night, he was doing his chore before bedtime. He had his headphones on, and I looked up from my chore to notice that he was crying silently. I touched his arm, and he looked up at me. I opened my arms, and he embraced me. As his head fell on my shoulder, I could hear the music through his headphones. He was listening to Christian music. He had spent his entire day filling his mind with righteous things. Things that invite the spirit into his mind and heart. He felt calm and peaceful all day, but still felt terrible about what had happened.
I shared with him some of the previous posts on the blog:
I hope that you have time to read them today if you haven’t already. If you don’t have time, the most important things to take from this post today are:
God loves us. He knows that we will make choices. He wants us to choose. That is so very important to Him. He loves us even when we make foolish choices. When we choose to be angry at Him for the choices we made or that we didn’t make, He still loves us. It is a perfect love.
He sent us a Savior, so that there would be an opportunity to repent and to be forgiven. All of it. He wipes the sin clean, and we can start again. I understand this perfectly because of my own experiences in my life with sin and repentance. Repentance brings us closer to Him.
I also understand that while repentance is way more beautiful and easier than Satan has manipulated it to be, we still have one last step to make. And it can be the hardest part for sure. We have to forgive ourselves.
We are so hard on ourselves. When we realize that the anger we threw at God should have been directed at ourselves the entire time, it feels horrible. God has forgiven you. He gives Grace through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He is a merciful God. He loves you dearly. It is just that simple. Beautiful and simple.
The hardest part is being able to give grace and mercy to ourselves for being an imperfect human being. We are not meant to be perfect in this life. But, always moving forward, through these difficult times, we are learning to become perfected. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4: 13, KJV)
The purpose of this post is not to tell you that you shouldn’t cuss or take the Lord’s name in vain. You need to decide that for yourself. I am not a judge. I am just bringing truth and light through this blog.
The purpose for this post, is to show how absolutely beautiful repentance can be. Before repentance, we feel heavy. So very heavy. Once we can recognize that glorious moment of forgiveness from Heavenly Father, we can feel awe, joy, and His love. I felt incredibly humble that He loved me so much. It is so amazing to behold! I fervently wish for you to experience this great gift that we have been given. I hope that you can feel my excitement and love for you as I write this. I want you to know that it isn’t just my love that is being expressed for you. It is also the great love for you from our Heavenly Parents. They have helped you to discover this blog after all. They want you to know all of these things.
They want you to know that the gift of repentance has been corrupted and manipulated by Satan to seem too hard and too difficult. You have done too much; it is too late. They will never forgive you. You are not possible to love. That is NOT true. That is what Satan wants you to think is true. He does not want you to go to the light. He revels in you staying in his darkness.
Remember, you get to choose. Always. Satan hates that. He didn’t want there to be a Savior. He wanted everyone to be forced and He wanted the Glory. His plan is not of God because he removed the most important part. He removed the power to choose. “…choose you this day whom ye will serve…” (Joshua 24: 15, KJV)
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