I’m finally feeling like myself again! You want to know how I did it? After several months of feeling like I wasn’t connecting with Heaven like I used to, and feeling this stifling cloud around me, I was able to figure out how to push it away.

It was actually really easy. I remember pondering over and over again why I was feeling like this. Maybe it was my new health condition. Maybe I was depressed. Maybe I needed to pray harder; be more righteous. What did I need to repent for that I hadn’t yet? What worldly things can I let go of for Him?

And all of those things were definitely contributing to my situation. I did a ton of self-reflection, repenting, soul searching, doubting, crying, and many other things that can only be described as feeling numb and going through the motions trying to ride out the storm.

It felt like Heaven was silent, but at the same time, my brain recognized when gifts and outpouring of love through Angels of Earth came from Them. My brain knew it, but it wouldn’t connect with my soul like it used to. It felt like my spirit was broken. Just like that chair, everything on the outside was fine, I could do everything I needed to do, but my spirit was broken.

I remember being in the Temple with two dear friends and they got the “God goosebumps” and I missed out completely on that experience. Not only did I miss what was said, but I didn’t get to feel the goosebump action.

God goosebumps are the undeniable way that God is telling you something that you feel in your soul so strongly that it manifests in huge goosebumps all over your body. They don’t go away quickly and seem to stick around for several minutes. My favorite is when they travel up to my cheeks. It is a really amazing feeling and it is powerful. I hope you get to experience them soon. They are my favorite.

After months of feeling this way and wondering what I was doing wrong and trying to figure out how to fix things again, the kids told me that there was someone outside looking for me. I immediately knew that it was a door-to-door salesman and I did not want to talk with him. But we had just gotten home and the kids were unloading the car. It was unavoidable.

I went to go talk with him and you could tell that he was trying to read my body language and had had plenty of people be unkind to him before. He did the most amazing thing. Instead of telling me who he was with and what he was selling, he used a different tactic. He said, “Hello, I see you used our services in the past, and I was wondering if you had any feedback or suggestions on how we could do better.” That was it. I of course had some suggestions for him and that began what ended up being about a two-hour conversation.

There was something about this kid. He was just curious and asked so many questions. Our conversation led to me giving him the blog website and eventually me giving him a Book of Mormon. He was so interested in all that me and the kids had to say about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I did not go unnoticed by me that the entire time we talked in my garage on a very hot and sweaty day that the broken chair was right next to the garbage cans. It was through sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ and more specifically giving the Book of Mormon and sharing my testimony of it that made me feel noticeably less “broken”.

Our visit ended with hugs for all and him telling me how much our visit had brightened his day. He told me that we were the only people to talk to him as a human being that day. I guess we need to be a little kinder to our door-to-door salesman, huh?

That week, I went to the temple and as I was pulling up to park, I had a clear understanding come to my mind. It was very simple and without making the announcement before I am ready to, the Spirit told me that the blog wasn’t enough anymore and that I needed to become more visible. That quickly led to a conversation between me and Heavenly Father where I began to understand how much more.

It is big. I knew a year ago and I was intimidated by it, but He told me that I had time to prepare. And boy, He sure prepared me this last year. Line upon line. As I have acted on this new information, I became more and more healed and then one day, an understanding came to me that took all of the fog away completely.

He helped me to understand that the reason He had been so silent is because I tried to take control of the Plan. His plan. I tried to make it make sense to my brain. And it was so logical to me. But that is when things slowly stopped working from Heaven. Once I realized that the order of things was incorrect and I submitted to Him, everything became crystal clear and inspiration has poured from Heaven again.

Are you in a stuck place? Do you feel spiritually broken? Ask yourself, “Am I trying to take control of His plan for me?” I think you might be surprised at the answer. I sure was!

I am so excited about where His plan will lead. Stay tuned as I work really hard to prepare for the most amazing experience for you!